Relational trauma happens when someone experiences significant harm in a close relationship, like with family or a caregiver. This isn't just about a one-time event; it's about ongoing harm that really shakes a person's sense of safety and trust. Usually, relational trauma is the result of:
Abuse: harmful experiences that could be physical, sexual, or emotional in nature
Neglect: trauma as a result of things that didn‘t happen, such as physical or emotional neglect
Enmeshment: a lack of boundaries between family members that can impair a child’s independence and sense of self
Relational trauma can affect multiple aspects of a person’s life, in both childhood and adulthood. Here are some of the impacts of relational trauma and some ways to heal.
Emotional Effects
People who've been through relational trauma often struggle with their feelings. They might feel sad, angry, or numb a lot of the time. It’s common to experience anxiety and depression because their basic sense of security has been rocked. Their emotions can feel all over the place, making it hard for them to stay balanced.
Trouble with Relationships
Relational trauma can make it extremely tough to trust people again, which means forming and keeping relationships can be really hard. Some people might cling too tightly to others, or keep everyone at a distance, to protect themselves from getting hurt again.
Issues with Self-Image
This kind of trauma can make someone feel worthless, ashamed, or even guilty, like it's their fault. These feelings can affect many areas of their life, including work, friendships, and goals.
Physical Health Problems
The stress from relational trauma can show up in the body too. People might have chronic pain, stomach issues, or other symptoms that doctors can't really explain. Plus, all that stress can cause them to be unwell more often.
Thinking and Behaviour Changes
Relational trauma can mess with someone's ability to think clearly, remember things, or make decisions. This can make everyday tasks much harder. People might avoid situations that remind them of the trauma or might start taking risks to cope or block out painful memories.
Healing from Relational Trauma
Although coping with relational trauma can be difficult, it is possible to heal from it. The trauma itself will not go away, but you can learn to deal with it in a healthy way. Healing is a journey, and it takes time and several steps:
Finding Safety
Firstly, it's crucial to create a safe and stable environment. This means making sure the person feels secure enough to start dealing with their trauma.
Therapy
Working with a counsellor or therapist who knows about trauma can really help. They can help people understand the effects that relational trauma has had on their behaviours, thought patterns, and sense of self. Therapy can also help with providing the tools to create a new healthier inner dialogue and form healthy bonds with others.
Building Healthy Relationships
Healing also involves learning how to build and keep healthy relationships. This can happen in therapy or support groups, which provide a safe space to learn about trust and closeness.
Self-Care and Mindfulness
Adding routines like self-care and mindfulness can help people manage their feelings and feel more in control. These practices increase awareness and help calm the mind and body.
Feeling Empowered
As people move forward in healing, they often start to feel stronger and more in control of their lives. Getting involved in activities that make them feel good about themselves can boost this sense of empowerment.
Working through relational trauma can sometimes take years, and sadly some people never completely heal from their trauma, but with the right care and lots of compassion, it's possible to lead a happier and healthier life.
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