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Writer's pictureJane Jokic

The Power of Self-Compassion: Talking to Ourselves with Kindness

As a therapist, I so often see how we can be our own harshest critics. I see this with my clients, my friends and family and in myself too. We say things to ourselves that we would never say to a friend. But what if we could change that harsh inner dialogue and start talking to ourselves with compassion and kindness?


I stress the importance of self-compassion in many of my sessions and often I'm asked what does it actually mean? Self-compassion is simply the practice of treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we would offer to a loved one. It involves acknowledging our own pain and suffering, being gentle with ourselves in times when we are struggling, and recognising that making mistakes is part of being human.


There are many benefits to self-compassion. It can lead to increased resilience, improved self-esteem, and greater emotional stability. With self-compassion, we can learn to be more forgiving of our mistakes and failures, and approach challenges with a sense of kindness and understanding.


I have noticed so many of my clients struggle with practicing self-compassion and I wonder if some of us are conditioned to believe that self-criticism is necessary for growth or some of us believe that being kind to ourselves is selfish, indulging even. Overcoming these challenges requires a shift in mindset and a commitment to nurturing a compassionate relationship with ourselves. It takes practice, and lots of it but it can be done!


So where do you begin?


1. Practice mindfulness: Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings without judgment.

2. Challenge your inner critic: Replace negative self-talk with words of encouragement and support.

3. Treat yourself as you would a friend: Imagine how you would comfort a friend in a similar situation and offer yourself the same kindness.

4. Engage in self-care: Prioritise activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.


One reason why I'm so passionate about self-compassion is that studies have shown that self-compassion is associated with lower levels of anxiety, depression, and stress. By treating ourselves with compassion and kindness, we can build a strong foundation for mental well-being and emotional resilience.


Talking to ourselves with compassion and kindness is not always easy but by nurturing a compassionate relationship with ourselves, we can transform our inner dialogue, enhance our mental health, and create a deeper sense of well-being. Remember, you deserve the same love and care that you offer to others.

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